I realize I have been letting my mind let me down. I am changing the way I think and sometimes in that process there are some casualties. When you move away from old paradigms that no longer serve you, there will be collateral damage if you are not careful.
My issue is that in moving away from a paradigm in my life, I painted with too broad a brush. I forgot that I still live in two worlds, as an employee as well as a business owner. I am not totally free to do things my way in my role as employee. I have a great deal of autonomy which can make it trickier but because I am still an employee, I really should be doing things as my employer would have me do them, and not as independently as I had been. I can learn from this and put my twist on it but I am still playing by their rules. The great thing is that I am aware of this, of the paradigm, and now I can, as an actor, play my role according to the way the part is written and I can observe and learn. I needn’t get caught up in the paradigm because it is not mine any more than an actor’s life is that of the part he is playing.
How freeing! Just as an actor brings part of himself to the role and makes it his own, I too bring myself to my role. But I must never forget that I am playing a role in someone else’s play. At the same time, I am also writing and directing and starring in my own.