There are some who would say that the best way to learn how to love is simply to love others. While I do not disagree with that completely, I believe that for most of us, we already love others as best we know how. We don’t, however, love ourselves with the same intensity or latitude that we do others, at least in the beginning of a new relationship.
In the beginning, we love blindly, madly and without judgment. We overlook every flaw, mistake and zit. We love them despite and sometimes even because of their imperfections. And then the butterflies wear off. And we start seeing the zits. Look, they are multiplying? Is that pus? Oh, how they look more and more disgusting as we focus on them. We see the things that were there all along but now, we can only focus on the bad stuff.
Why do we do that? It happens in relationships of all types but none so profoundly as our intimate ones. Our spouse, partner and many times even our job.
I have found that the root of all of that discomfort or lack isn’t where we think it is, outside of us in some other person or place or entity. No, it stems from inside. Thus, love starts with me. Because it is always an inside job.