I was speaking with a client recently and she told me that she needed to get out of something that she had tacitly agreed to do. She offered to do some work because she is a wonderful, loving, caring and giving person. She completed that work and because she had done it previously, she was volunteered to do more work but this time no one asked. It just landed on her doorstep, uninvited and unannounced. She was going to go ahead and do it but the resentment was building.
This lady is absolutely amazing! Her plate is quite full already as a mom with two kids, a husband a few states away, a full time job, 10 pets, and a huge home to manage. She still takes time to hand-make treats each holiday for her kids’ classes, craft detailed, impressive Halloween costumes from just a picture and generally keep all things running smoothly. Her life makes me tired just thinking about it.
In doing the lovingME work, she realizes now that she is worth more. She is really beginning to see what the rest of us see in her. So, she is no longer available to be dumped upon. She now reserves her time and attention for people who respect her and treat her with kindness and love just as she treats herself. That is huge growth and I am beaming with pride for her. Now comes the even greater learning experience. How can she speak with those who volunteered her in a loving and respectful way, letting all anger and resentment fall away, and simply state her position that they will need to find other arrangements?
Coming from a place of self-respect and acceptance, rather than anger, fear or resentment, she can have an adult conversation stating the facts as she sees them while being willing to listen. It won’t be easy because it is not the usual. We traditionally are not taught to do this, what I call clarification instead of confrontation. We have often needed to have that anger or resentment build to such a level that we are finally so empowered by it that we speak up from that place. That is not what will happen here, because her love and respect for herself is where the conversation originates this time. She will speak to them in soft tones, acknowledge their needs, acknowledge her part in the confusion and then gently state her truth and allow them to respond as they will. I am sure that it will go better than any of them ever could have imagined and that they will learn from her wonderful example, but what a victory no matter their response. I am beaming with pride for her! And this is why I do what I do.