Today was an interesting day. I learned a very valuable lesson in the understanding of Susie and my own old programming. I have had such an overwhelming desire to please authority that sometimes it bites me in the behind.
The interesting thing is that in many areas and in many ways I have released that. And/or happily go against the grain or simply have no idea or care what the grain is. But at work, there are a couple of people or perhaps just positions where I realize today that I am the kid in the swimming pool saying, “Dad, Dad, watch this! Oh wait, no I can do it better than that. Hey Dad, watch. Hey Dad, approve of me and be proud of me, please!” The trouble is, now I have put this pressure on myself and made such lofty assumptions of what you expect that it has become much less probable that I will be able to do my best now that I asked you to watch.
The funniest part of all? NONE of that was at all conscious but now, because of a particularly interesting and less than attractive buffoon moment, now I do realize it and can walk in awareness and stop.
Now that is a great day – learning from my mistakes!