It took me a very long time to understand the concept of surrender. I thought that surrendering was weakness. I thought surrendering was giving up. I thought that surrendering was quitting. Never surrender was my motto.

When we were kids, my older brother would get me on the ground and pin me, his knees on my arms, so that I couldn’t move. Oh, the funny ways siblings show their love for one another and maintain order in the pack! Ahem, I digress. In that state, he would then take my arms and punch me with them saying, “Why are you hitting yourself?” and “Stop punching yourself!” This would go on until I would surrender and basically tap out (not physically because I didn’t have use of my arms, of course).

I didn’t particularly care for this game. And yet I would prolong it. I knew the rules. I knew how to stop the torture. But it often took much longer for me to get it, to realize that I could indeed stop punching myself. All it took was surrender to what was. I couldn’t change the fact that I was smaller and not as strong as he was. I couldn’t change that I wasn’t as developed intellectually yet so I couldn’t really outwit him. So I fought it. The more I fought, the more fun the game was. My siblings told me so but I couldn’t understand it and kept fighting back, a losing battle.

I have come to realize that life is like that. The more I fight, resist and refuse to accept what is, the more I struggle and the more pain I cause myself. With every bit of resistance, the fight grows and worsens because I am feeding it more negative energy. When I stop fighting, when I accept what is and surrender to it, the fight goes out of it, too.

I know what you are thinking. I used to think it, too. But wait, no, if I don’t fight then who will? If I don’t do something, say something and fix this then it will get out of hand. It will just grow on the apathy. First I ask, will it? Will it, really? In your experience, your personal experience, when you have chosen not to fight and accepted the situation as it is, has the anger grown or has it more often dissolved?

I am not saying that we are to do nothing. Far from it. I am not saying that we are to just live in any circumstance that we are handed and not care. Again, quite the contrary. I am saying that surrender is the first step in changing that circumstance. Once we are no longer fighting, then we can move from our reptilian brain into our problem-solving creative brain. Only from this place can we develop innovative solutions and make excellent decisions.

I have a bracelet that says, “Let go and let God.” I choose to live by this, as I am conscious to do so. I am here to say I ain’t ever going back to punching myself. There is no need for there is a better way.

Trust. Relax. Love.

Trust. Relax. Ask.

Trust. Relax. Listen.

Trust. Relax. Leap.

When you decide to do something, I mean really decide, then it happens. When you are sure, when you know that you have crossed the line and taken a stand to move forward, then you will do what it takes to make it happen. If you are toying with the idea, thinking about doing it, considering it, hoping it will happen, it won’t. If you simply believe it will happen, it won’t.

You have to know. You have to say, okay this is it and it is non-negotiable. Believing is saying well, I would like for it to happen but I still doubt. I have a plaque that I got from my mother-in-law when she was moving from her home of 40+ years. She didn’t want it anymore and it came from a closet. I got it several years ago and I remember thinking wow, yes this is it, when I saw it. It is the difference between hope and faith. Hope is nice and makes us feel good but it doesn’t make it happen.

Years ago I did a presentation for my colleagues on how to make and exceed your sales numbers. We had a saying there – hope is not a strategy. In my presentation, I surprised everyone when I said that faith is part of the recipe for success. Most confuse faith with hope. They are not the same. I don’t think I explained it well back then because I didn’t quite get it fully myself. I knew that when I had faith all was rocking, even if there were missteps. I knew that it was a requirement, somehow. I now know how to explain the difference. That plaque I saved from its garage sale fate summed it up nicely.

Faith is not believing that God can. Faith is knowing that He will.

Hope is helpless and wishy-washy. Faith is empowered. Faith means I am certain and taking the steps I am led to take rather than fearing that they will be wrong. It means I am going forward and will do my best according to what I know, without forcing it. Faith knows that even if I make a misstep, things will still turn out for my benefit in the end. Faith is confident and strong. Hope holds a seed of doubt.

We can have faith and still get an outcome that we didn’t expect. It will be better, even if it doesn’t appear so in the moment. Faith knows that and embraces it. Faith comes when you make a non-negotiable decision. Faith comes when you stop worrying your prayers and simply trust. Then all of your internal resources and those unseen are aligned toward it.

I love being a girl. I don’t know that I have always been able to say that honestly. I went through stages where I downplayed my girliness. I used to like to be one of the guys. I shied away from being feminine and girly. I judged girliness as a bad thing. I wanted to be seen as powerful, strong, intelligent and competent. I thought girly girls were just, well, girly and less than smart.

I was very competitive, focused and high achieving. I was hard working, hard playing, hard drinking, and hard on myself. I had a filthy mouth and had no qualms about using it in most settings, including and especially at work.

Then there was the time in my life, probably part of high school and occasionally after, where I downplayed my intelligence and strength around boys. I didn’t want them to be intimidated by my power, strength, intelligence and competence. I didn’t want them to see what I had for fear that they would reject me because of it or their fear of it (I suppose I assumed they would fear it based on some experience(s) I had.)

Isn’t that ironic? Well, no more. I realize that I can be girly AND powerful, strong, intelligent and competent. I can be successful and smart without having to act like a stereotypical guy. I am all of those things and more. I see that I can fully express all of who I am. I can promote the best of all I am. It is not either/or. It is both/and. Not everyone has to like it or resonate with it. It is totally fine if not. I know that there are plenty who will and most importantly, I do. I embrace all of me now. I also embrace all of you. So let us see who that is, please. I give you full permission.

If you don’t know how you can and would like some assistance, you can start here.

P.S. I spent over an hour looking for an image for this post. The sad truth is that I couldn’t find one picture of what I was envisioning – a strong woman who wasn’t in a manly suit or over-sexualized. That changes through each of us right now here in our community.

For many years, I have been a proponent of the idea of personal responsibility. I knew intuitively that this was true for me and the cure for what ails. What I didn’t know is that I wasn’t nearly as personally responsible as I thought I was. I do not judge myself for that and I forgive any past judgments about it. It is a journey, a process and I am continually moving forward even when it doesn’t seem like it.

In the last few years, I have come to realize that I wasn’t taking the responsibility that I could. I realized that part of personal responsibility is to allow, develop and grow personal love. That is what Love Starts with Me is about.

I cannot truly be personally responsible, hold myself accountable and own my actions unless I love myself enough to allow myself to actually see the things I would rather not see. I cannot see in myself those things that I dislike in others unless I accept and surrender and forgive and allow. If I judge what I do not like, I will never be able to look at it and thus allow healing of it, in myself. I also cannot be personally responsible if I don’t know myself enough to know what I desire. Nor can I be personally responsible if I do not respect myself enough to listen to and provide for myself.

One of my mentors, Gina DeVee, speaks of self abandonment. I imagine that is a psychological term but I don’t recall ever hearing it prior to her work. It is such a powerful concept and phenomenon. Once we realize where we have let ourselves down in the past, we can start to move forward in a new way. We can choose to now self support. We can choose to love ourselves more fully and in a new way.

What helped me realize this kind of love and support was my study of Jesus. More importantly, my real relationship with and understanding of Him. What He brought was the Good News. It has gotten very twisted, in my opinion, and many people now shy away from the name, even spiritual people, because it has been so deeply associated with religion and rules. It has so often been associated with judgment, holier than thou, black and white thinking and acting. In my understanding, nothing could be further from the truth. Nothing.

The Good News is that we have no need for guilt, shame, pain, suffering or any of the negative things to which we still cling. The Good News is that we are wholly loved and lovable. Right now. Exactly the way we are. I can look at all of the ugliness in my behavior and know that I am forgiven and loved no matter what. Now that I can look at it and own it, I can take active personal responsibility to allow change. If I judge it or try to fight it, it simply grows on that against energy. If I watch it and observe it without beating myself up about it, but still choosing a better way, it goes bye-bye in time.

The Good News is that life is full of joy and peace and abundance no matter what our present circumstance is. When we choose to think on things above – all of the good things in our lives and the best in people – and listen to our own true spirit; when we are true to ourselves, know ourselves and love ourselves as we are loved? All things are possible. Circumstances miraculously change to match our thoughts.

Once I chose to accept and allow the love in, it completely changed my life in every way.

“Woman will ignore precedent and startle civilization with their progress.” – Nikola Tesla

I found this quote from Tesla as I was researching electricity, which totally and completely fascinates me. Energy in all forms mesmerizes me. I have a special affinity for electricity for some reason. Probably because this woman likes a comfortable environment!

I am not a woman’s libber. I respect and thank those who are or were. It isn’t lost on me that I can so easily make that statement because of them. I do know that in my own life, things tend to swing to the extreme before they settle into balance and harmony over time.

Feminine energy also intrigues me. Tesla said the above and also said that the reason that women will do these startling and progressive things is that they had so many years of being stifled. They had so many years of potential energy stored up. Those were not his exact words but that is the gist. Like I said above, that tendency to swing to the extreme can be explained physically and energetically as well. Women had a lot stored up so it really came out strong and often masculine. I do not say that in judgment but observation.

I am happy to watch women advance. I am so pleased to see what they are up to and how they think. I am excited to see the way we are breaking through barriers and ignoring the way things have worked or “should” work. I see now that there is more balance than in decades past. I see it in my own life for sure. I am learning to embrace my feminine energy more all of the time.

Fortunately, feminine energy is not confined to women. Men are feeling it and embracing it as well, as women did so fiercely with masculine energy. It is taking a while for all of that to settle into harmony but we are definitely well on our way. It is an exciting time to be alive!

Celebrate your feminine side. Your creative, intuitive, loving, receptive and light side. Celebrate your masculine side as well. Your take charge, get it done, logical, analytical and protector side. Love all parts of you. They make you one super bundle of goodness!

Today we are experiencing a break in the rain. It has been raining much more than usual here in the South and it has been cloudy many more days than normal. It sure makes me appreciate the sunshine. It makes me look forward in anticipation to the next sunny day. I also give thanks for the clouds and rain and the incredible green landscape they produce.

Sometimes, when things go along a certain way, it is easy to overlook or not fully appreciate what you have. It can be easy to become numb and blind to all of the wonderful things we see and have every day. It can be easy to begin to take things for granted. One of the blessings in rainy days and things that don’t actually go as we prefer is the stark contrast it provides to give life texture. Without rainy days, we do not appreciate the sunny ones as much. Without cold days, we do not appreciate the warm ones as much.

Rather than complaining, how about we get to a place where it is a natural habit to look at everything in the best possible light? Doing so provides an extremely powerful tool to boost your happiness. Everything has a positive for someone and from some perspective. Start taking a step back and looking for another view. If you do not like the current landscape, change it. Look at it from another angle. Narrow your view. Broaden your view. Look from below. Look from above. There is splendor and magnificence in everything. Beauty from ashes is all around.

I have heard people speak about late bloomers. People who really reinvented themselves or came into their own later in life. “Later” is completely subjective, for sure. I like to see myself as a re-bloomer. Like a daffodil or an orchid. I just keep finding a better way, a truer path and a bigger understanding and expression of who I am. I am building roots and expanding my coverage so that the next season is greater than the last. Given the right care and attention, the next show is more magnificent than ever before.

We keep growing or we shrivel and die. If you are feeling stuck, unmotivated and lost, if you feel like your best years are behind you, think again. Think better thoughts. Think in new ways. Think of better questions.

What if I could do what I desire? What is it that I do desire? What if time were no issue? What if money were no issue? What if I couldn’t fail? What am I here to do? Who am I here to help?

The seed is in those answers, in those thoughts. They are the season’s next bloom.

Remember when you were a kid and the world was full of possibility? Remember in kindergarten or preschool thinking that you would be president? If the teacher asked who is an artist, your hand would be raised high. If she asked who is gonna be a movie star, your hand also shot up. If he said who is a scientist who will cure cancer? Your hand was in the air.

Now we are conditioned to shy away from answering or even asking such questions, away from such enthusiasm and confidence. We look at it as arrogance or naiveté. We have been squashed and pigeon-holed into thinking we are only what we have been. We forget that we are still that kid inside. We forget that we have all of that talent and then some. We have developed and learned tremendous amounts over the years. We forget that we are creators. We forget that we are unique and not one other person has the distinct combination of experiences, learning, and innate skills that we each do. We forget that no one else knows exactly what we each know. We forget that we are powerful.

It is so easy to think we are not powerful or creative. Time and experience have led us to believe that safe is best. The same is safe. Small is good. Normal is desirable. Status quo makes sense, is comfortable and is to be protected. We slowly allowed the dimming of our own light in misguided humility and in fear. Stay busy, stay in drama, stay in step with what everyone else is doing lest the “fraud police” come knocking.

You may no longer care to be president. You may no longer desire to be a movie star. But you have something else in you. Something hidden. Something bigger than anything you have done so far. Someone who is more you than you have seen since childhood. You may not even know what it is exactly at this moment, but I know you feel it. I know that you know that it is there. Waiting. Waiting for you to raise your hand high and say “I am.”

If you are ready to raise your hand, you can start here.

I am a salesperson. I have been a professional salesperson, a sales executive for more years than I prefer to count up at present. And I have been a salesperson since before my first breath. I am sure that at some point I was selling my mom on the idea of adjusting her body to better accommodate mine, even in the womb. We are all salespeople. We all have ideas to share and people to help via those ideas. This can occur directly from the ideas that were shared or via the inspiration to create new ones from the exchange.

To me, it matters much less if you choose to use my idea or process or service or product than it does that you were helped in the process. Of course, I am a businessperson and I would love for you to see things my way and/or decide to purchase from me. And I do my best to help you to do so. However, what if, for you, for now, my way isn’t best? What if you aren’t ready? What if you found something you feel is better? What if you took the information that I shared and made more of it on another path? What if you were spurred by our discussions to feel confident in choosing another way? Great! Fantastic on all counts! My end goal is served no matter what. Thank you for that.

Many have been reticent to share the no with me. My quandary is that somehow I have created a host of these lately. When days and weeks and months go by with no connection, I wonder how I could prevent that in the future. Why is it so difficult to tell me no? Or not right now? Or we have no idea so we are not going to do anything?

How can I make it easier for you to feel comfortable in telling me the truth? A direct no is always preferable to silence. I learn from the no. I redirect energy based on the no. I can improve by hearing your no and especially the why behind it. Going forward, we will have this discussion up front so that we all know that no is valid, acceptable and sometimes the best thing for everyone involved. It is truly okay to say no and to say it as soon as you know. That is the kindest no of all.