I got out of my routine a bit today so I am writing this much later than usual. I had some work that I had to get out by a deadline and then I knew I would be free to take my time to think, rather than rushing just to get it done.

It is a gorgeous winter day here. The sun is shining after several rainy, cloudy days. That is appropriate because now that my project is done, I feel like the cloud of responsibility has lifted from me as well.

Completing a project, particularly a long, big or complex one, one you have dreaded and weren’t sure you knew how to do, is such a wonderful feeling. The fact is, completing any project is a great feeling and conversely, letting it linger is like allowing a dark cloud to follow you around fogging your thinking, memory and mojo. Done is better than perfect, my friend. Some is better than none. Nike absolutely nailed it – “Just do it!”

Many of us have gone through our lives with other people or things determining our paths. As kids, our parents did this for us and for some they still do, even if they are no longer with us. Most of the time this is completely unconscious. We have just always done it this way. To follow the teacher, the professor, the boss, the media, the church, the government, the norm without really considering it or examining it has been the routine. It feels safe.

There is an insidious force in you that continues to do this today. It is your subconscious and inner programming. It is your ego, your freddy (as I learned to call him from Larry Bilotta), your inner critic, or resistance (as Steven Pressfield calls it) – the collection of inaccurate ideas, limiting beliefs, fears stored up and used (by the amygdala) to stop you from being the real you and being in control of your thoughts and actions. You can name it anything you like, and I recommend you do so that you can begin to understand it is not the real you. Your parents’ beliefs are in there. Every wound and limit is also in there. As is every tragedy, big or tiny, every slight, everything ever labeled as negative, dangerous or bad.

The issue is that for the most part, we have lived our lives unaware of this force and the impact it has on us. It has been making choices or stopping us, the real us, at every turn. For at every turn freddy sees danger. He sees a threat to his existence and he is right. For once we are aware, we can choose to eliminate the resistance, beliefs, fears that have been holding us back. We can begin to examine each one and determine, is this true and accurate and the way I want to live and be? No? Okay well we release it then.

If you don’t really love or respect yourself you are going to be fine staying small and blending in, staying “safe,” despite the fact that it isn’t really safe at all. As we move into knowing, loving and respecting ourselves, the natural progression of that is expression of the real you and that does not, cannot, include freddy.

All or nothing. We have been trained to look at life this way. Fortunately, it is not really that way. If we are aware and conscious, we have a choice in every moment. We can choose. We can choose to do something new. We can choose to stop and take a lovingME moment. We can reset the day right now. Yesterday cannot be changed, nor can five minutes ago. But right now, you have the choice.

You don’t have to wait. You don’t have to be bound and held back by yesterday. You don’t even have to be bound by tomorrow. We have now. The choices we make now add up. This happens whether we are making them consciously or not. When we tune in and realize we have made some unconscious moves that aren’t really aligned with who we are now, then we can learn from that and be more conscious now. We can, from now on, make decisions that are in harmony with who we are and where we are going.

If there is a slip back into unconsciousness, and there will be, then we simply begin again now. Now is where and when everything happens.

So you are feeling pretty blah. You seem to be on a treadmill and today looks a lot like yesterday and tomorrow will likely be more of the same. Or you feel so squeezed and overwhelmed today, just like yesterday. You don’t even want to look at tomorrow.

Accepting where you are is important. Not being resigned to it or giving up bettering your reality but acknowledging and being okay with what is. Really looking at it and evaluating what you like and dislike about it can be eye-opening and powerful. Once you know where you are, you can then formulate a vision for what you will leave behind, do less of or stop, and what you will gain, do more of, increase or start. However, accepting your current life, making peace with it and even giving gratitude for it every day brings freedom that allows your vision to come into fruition. This includes accepting yourself and everything about you right now.

Making peace with where you are helps you to think more clearly. Giving thanks for what you have now helps you to find peace and joy on your journey. If you are not happy now, you will not be happen “when.” Accepting what is, no longer fighting or complaining about it, is a key component of happiness. You can certainly have and move toward your vision of the future but looking for all the good in today will set you free to think and act toward that vision.

So many of us go through our day doing all the things on our to-do list, if we are organized, or we just follow the unfolding of the day and deal with it as it arises if that is our routine. We are focused on being productive and look to get the most out of our day, but sometimes at the end of the day, we wonder what did I do today? What did I really accomplish?

I am going to suggest a must do list. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the must do list, it is a shorter and less fluid list of items for today. It is 3-5 things that absolutely have to be done today. It may be a small piece of a larger project that can be completed today. Having a must do helps with the all too common pushing to tomorrow act we often do with our to do list.

But the only thing on that must do list that I will address is the addition of a lovingME moment. What is a lovingME moment? I am glad you asked. It is a moment, of your choosing, planned or, after it becomes habit, as opportunity presents itself, to just be. Your lovingME moment is whatever recharges you and connects you to the “real you” (your spirit) the best. I don’t recommend that it be media (books, magazines, Internet, TV, phone, etc.) related at all. As you improve and become more aware in the process, perhaps so, but as you begin, let it just be a moment with you, only you, preferably in nature or with something that inspires you as you look at it or even imagine it. Take a moment to just be present with yourself and to give thanks for the moment.

A lovingME moment can last as long as you have, as long as you require, as long as you can do. It will get easier and more and more enjoyable as you do this. The idea is to just be with yourself in a loving and thankful way and to get control of your thoughts, directing them toward the positives in your life.

Eventually, when this is habit, you will easily do it throughout the day no matter where you are or what your surroundings may be. How great to say oh, I am just having a lovingME moment as you come back into focus when the meeting begins.

Why not give it a try today? Put it on your must do list and schedule until it is habit. At the end of the day, when you review what was accomplished, that moment with yourself will come up as one of, if not the, best moments of the entire day. You will also find that your thinking becomes clearer and that your stress level decreases tremendously. If you find this difficult or you find that you dismiss it without even trying it, that is a sign that you need it all the more. It really is the most important thing you can do today. My door is open if you need support in this.

One of the things that we find as we live the lovingME lifestyle is that we have more discipline. It may start as an act of willpower mixed with passion for the mission but eventually willpower used is less and less. Habit and routine kick in and it is no longer a negotiation. It becomes non-negotiable, and non-optional.

The commitments we make to ourselves mean something. We said we would do this. So we do. We love and respect and honor ourselves too much not to keep our word, especially to ourselves. We have integrity that builds day by day, action by action and choice by choice. This is how we create the life we choose.

What is your choice today?

Not being able to be yourself is exhausting. Choose to love, embrace and express the best of who you are and you free up so much energy you will be amazed.

I used to tiptoe around certain people and feel guilty if I didn’t do things their way, because they would point it out or just act mopey or I just assumed they were upset with me or would be. They didn’t or don’t realize the passive aggression in that nor did I realize the power I was giving it. And that is okay.

But I don’t have to play by those rules. I don’t have to like to do the exact same things others do or think the way they do, even those closest to me. I do not always have to act as they expect me to just because I used to. Having our own minds is what makes each of us unique and wonderful. As I respect that about myself, boy I can tell you that it makes me really happy and excited to encourage others. And to accept it in others and embrace it rather than being offended when I am the one who had been expecting something else is so much easier now! While allowing room for correction and instruction in my growth, being true to me is the best!

We talked yesterday about when saying no can feel good and how to do it. We talked about getting clear about your desires so that you actually know when to say no. But what about when we say no without really thinking about it?

Right now, we are saying no to many things by not allowing them into our lives. We essentially shut ourselves off from life, unconsciously. We go about our busy task-list driven agendas, even if that task list includes strategic thinking for your company. We forget to look at our own life, our own goals, our own path, so we miss opportunities all around to learn and grow and expand.

I did this for countless years. For years I went to work (I worked from home or I traveled, as I do now) and I worked out. I hung out with the work team some once we were on site, but mostly just grabbing dinner and drinks each evening, and often back then, well into the night. But that was about it. I would come home exhausted, burnt out and done, but I would get my workouts with my trainer in. I didn’t really have time or make time for anything new to come into my life. It wasn’t exactly a conscious choice, it just happened.

Does that sound familiar at all? Now, we can make the conscious choice to open ourselves to new opportunities and to look for and find them. Now, with conscious awareness, we can choose to say yes or no. Big difference.

Saying yes feels good. Saying no can also feel good when it is the right no, delivered properly. Why is it sometimes so hard to say what we mean? Of course that is assuming that we even know what we mean or what our preferences are. If not, then it is time to ask yourself, without filters of job, your friends and family, your schooling and any other expectation that has been placed at your feet.

In the end, it benefits everyone to just be direct. A simple, kind and gentle, no or yes. No excuses. No elaborate explanation needed. You have a right to agree or to decline. Everyone does.

How pleased are you with your current life? How happy are you today? If you are blah, just coasting, just subsisting and just trying to make it through the day, to get somewhere, then the odds are that tomorrow will be more of the same. The odds are good that you will be at the level you are at today without intervention.

In order to have a better tomorrow, you must learn to be happy today. If you are not happy now, you will not be happy “when.” When you get the bonus, the new job, the big deal, the vacation, the car, the girl or the divorce. This is a little secret no one wants to tell you, mostly because they don’t know it. Yes, you may have a momentary euphoria or excitement when you get what you were pursuing but it is short-lived. It will last a varying length of time but soon enough it wears off. The resulting let down from it can actually take you to new lows. Everything else remained the same because your thinking stayed the same.

However, if you learn to be happy now, and practice this, then you will always be happy. You will take it with you wherever you go! The only real way to do that is to be happy with yourself. From within yourself, for yourself and for your life and all aspects of it. When you accept, love, respect and know yourself and give gratitude in all of it, you gain freedom. A freedom you have never known before.

It can be somewhat intimidating to think about just being happy. If I could do that, you think, of course I would, but my boss and my job and the pressures and the kids and this spare tire…

We aren’t taught how to live in happiness, to choose happiness. That is why I am here to coach my clients, to give them some guidance and even some truth they may not want to look at that holds major breakthrough for them.